Ok, that’s…12 laps total, four more of breast stroke, two backstroke…
Kneel before Zod!
Dammit. 12 laps. four more breast stroke..
KNEEL BEFORE ZOD!
Focus, dumbass.. 12, well almost 13, then three more backstroke…
ZOD COMMMANDS YOU TO PEE IN THE POOL!
Fine.
DO AS YOU ARE COMMANDED, PUNY MOR…wait. What?
You wanted pee, buddy. You got it.
THAT’S DISGUSTING!
I’ve done worse.
Your daughter swims in this pool. She’s right over there!
Shush. I’m concentrating.
Happily splashing about…completely unaware of the tide of filth about to embrace her.
You’ve got some elimination issues, haven’t you?
I’M NOT THE PERSON GOING TO THE BATHROOM IN THE SHALLOW END!
Some might argue the point, voice in my head.
YOUR SON IS….DRINKING….
Does the same thing with his bathwater. Strapping young lad, ain’t he?
You sound like a fine parent, letting your son drink pee.
A little pee is not going to hurt anyone, dammit.
IT’S NO LONGER A LITTLE PEE! YOU’RE THE FOCAL POINT OF A 6X6 CLOUD OF YELLOW!
Ahhhhhhhh……..Yep.
PEOPLE ARE POINTING!
Jealous of my immense bladder, obviously.
Doesn’t the fact that you’re destroying the commons bother you?
Nope.
Not even a little bit?
Two words, friend. Urine offsets.
Urine…offsets?
Yep. I can pee in the pool as much as I like, long as I pay some guy in Africa or somewhere a dollar or so towards cleaning some other pool somewhere else.
ZOD…..ZOD….ZOD DOES NOT KNOW WHAT TO SAY.
I’m living me a pool-urine neutral lifestyle, I am. Sure do pity those what ain’t as morally advanced as me.
ZOD IS CONFUSED.
I’m looking into buying some adultery offsets as well. Wife has been getting kinda snippy lately.
I…..KNEEL BEFORE YOU, MY MASTER.
Damn skippy you will.
Postscript: Yes, this turned out somewhat differently last time.
Update: In a similar vein–Methane offsets.
