Carnival of the Vanities #230: Cops, Atlanta
So it’s been a big week for me. The interesting stuff started Saturday night when I was out having a beer with a buddy of mine. We’re sitting in this pub with a bunch of drunks from the party bus. Their all really drunk, especially this little fella’ who’s probably 5’6″ or something. He’s making time with this young lady who is making time with his buddy. This doesn’t sit well with the Leprechaun. He gets mad, storms out to the parking lot and starts taking swings at whoever comes within slugging distance. This includes the Cobb County Police when they show up to take him away to the drunk tank.
Junior ain’t real bright and manages to turn a drunk-and-disorderly misdemeanor into a bonafide resisting-arrest and assaulting-an-officer. The whole bar was gathered at the windows to watch. We were all really excited…and then they tasered him. Blue sparks and everything. It was really cool.
My second encounter with the law was Tuesday evening. I’d been out with my pals from the Emory Supper Club and we’d walked around the block for ice cream. We were headed back to our cars when 8 to 10 young men came running through the parking lot. My first thought was “Huh. Looks like they’re having fun.”
That’s when I realized that at least one of them was yelling “Shoot that ni—-! Somebody shoot that ni—-!” I realized they weren’t necessarily running for fun. They were running away. And at. And towards. They were hitting each other and throwing rocks and aerosol spray cans and smashing each others vehicles, etc. They all appeared to be drawing weapons, but I realized later that this was just a bluff so that all the other combatants would believe they were armed.
Being the bulletproof man that I am, I stood on the other side of the street calmly speaking to the 911 lady. I was engrossed watching the unfolding violence, little fearing for my own safety. I didn’t notice that all my friends were slowly edging away behind these dumpsters trying to get away before they were gunned down. It was only when a carload of the young gentlemen squealed out of the parking lot, pulled up in front of me and got out of the car to threaten another party of hooligans that I thought it might be best for me to vacate the area.
The cop (singular) eventually showed up and gave the young men a genial word of caution and waved at them as they drove away. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Dekalb County’s finest. I feel safer already.
And now, on with the show.
***
Suldog starts the show with the best entry of this week’s Carnival. I wish more people would take time to actually tell a story or have something to say. I guess it would help if more people were hit in the face with a softball. I guess he doesn’t have the well-oiled, catlike reflexes that are my birthright.
Falling back to the same old dreck people seem to send the Carnival, towncrierblog blames the growth of the KKK on the “Republic” party.
If this were a Valentine’s Day themed Carny, Mark A. Rayner would be at the top. His VD themed post covers things women like more than sex. Mark proves himself an optomist by only listing three or four things. Ever been married, Mark?
Leon Gettler talks about the politics and markets of unspeakable jargon. Leon, you’re only about four years behind the market with that post.
mom & dad present Transitioning from Crib to Bed and Bye, Bye Pacifier. My parents tell a similar story about my brother the Black Sheep. He evidently had quite a time giving up his “passy”.
Andrew Ian Dodge debates whether the Libertarians have more in common with Democrats than Republicans.
Madeleine Begun Kane sent in two posts but I invoked the “only one post per week” rule again. I’m editing this week. She calls out Kos for pruning the Blog Roll.
Aparna is back with more beauty tips. I’m practicing the beauty saving facial exercises as I type.
Wayne Hurlbert presents Employment ethics: Responsibility works.
Darcy Xenophon also would make a Valentine’s themed Carnival. She writes rhymes about her cat in You gotta love me. I don’t know about you guys, but I didn’t read that rule anywhere.
****
And that’s it for this week. Hope everyone had a nice Valentine’s Day. Mine turned out okay. I got a late invite to join some church buddies yesterday afternoon and there was this one girl who was at the Super Bowl party a few weeks back and we talked and it turns out that we’re getting married.
Okay, just kidding. We might get lunch sometime.
It’s a start.
I hope the Carnival of the Vanities will return to its normal Wednesday routine next week. Supper Club is done. If you want to be part of the CoTV, send your entries through Blog Carnival. And please GOD think about whether the stuff you submit is any damned good or not. Send your BEST stuff, not some crap you had lying around that you spent two minutes writing and even less time thinking about.
And if you’re just going to name-drop and ass-kiss, I’m not putting that crap in the Carnival.
Nuff said. I think I need some sleep.
Well, Keehar, you wanted to move to the big, bad city, and that is what you got–gangs and brawls and bullets! Please get behind the dumpster next time. Also, be sure to find our this girl’s name before you get married! Glad you had fun.
Thanks, ma! I really wasn’t concerned for my personal well-being during the gang violence. They seemed too focused on beating each other to worry with me. And I’m beloved by God, who takes care of me. No worries.
And I do know the girl’s name. I’ll have to come up with a suitable pseudonym for the blog if we do end up getting to know each other better.
Hi, guy!
Just wanted to thank you for including “You’ve Gotta Love Me.” For the record, I’m a Meezer (slang for Siamese cat) and last time I looked, my gender was male. I gotta get a better press agent.
Sorry, Darcy! I was going off the “Darcy” name, which I assumed to be a female name.
Hey, Kehaar, did it perhaps occur to you that you are not receiving high quality submissions for the COTV due to the way you are handling the carnival?
I mean, your stuff is occasionally funny, in an incredibly self-referential way, but I for one have little interest in wading through so much half-assed, un-thought-out dreck to get to the carnival submissions, either. Hemingway you are not.
That, and it seems you have not even made an effort to READ half of the submissions you do select, given that you seem busy watching lame college basketball game or Adult Swim cartoons. And you are how old?
If your heart is no longer in the COTV, drop it entirely or pass it along to someone who cares. You are not getting enough out of it because you are not putting anything into it anymore.
The role on online Triumph the Insult Comic Dog has already been taken, btw.
Wow, Kehaar. Almost getting shot in big bad Georgia already?
)
You might as well go ahead and write out your will. (Be sure to include me in it.
Anyway, sounds like you’re having fun down there. You should start talking to this woman more often, man. Go “have lunch” and then do it again the next day, and then the day after go for dinner and call it a date. Come on…How difficult could it be?
Oh yeah, good job with the Carny this week. Good stuff. I was really expecting a V-Day themed Carny, but no no, no! Not from good ole Kehaar. Good job!
Looking forward to reading it next week!
Anon, I understand that not everyone will agree with me re: the Carny. Then again, not everyone has the experience of putting it together week after week.
People have come to see the Carny as a straight traffic driver without considering whether the stuff they submit is their best or even that good. I leave out things that people never see almost every week. I don’t think this was common practice before I took over the Carny and people are bound to get their feelings hurt. It’s something that had to be done to save the Carny from those who would take advantage of it without ever considering whether it was good for the Carny as a tradition or not.
I do editorialize the Carnival and occasionally voice some concerns aloud. Naked partisan hackery gets on my nerves and I’m likely to vocalize about it. The way I see it, it’s my right for taking several hours out of my week to compile the Carny each week. If it offends you…good.
As far as my own writing is concerned, I write for one person only: me. More bloggers should learn to ignore their audience in my not-so-humble opinion. People who like it will like it. People who don’t like it don’t have to read it. If you want to get straight to the carnival posts each week, scroll to he ***. I do my best to delimit the actual entries from my own personal storyline.
Anyway, the Carny needs someone to shepherd it. It needs pruning just like a garden. Someday, I may pass it on. Probably, in fact. But not yet.
I, on the other hand, think you’re doing a swell job. Of course, you praised me highly, so some may think that’s the only reason I’m praising you. Those folks would be wrong.
I came here looking for the carnival, but had to scroll down to find it. I very much enjoyed the two posts I read previous to finding it.
As for “self-referential” material, my blog is loaded with it. Most folk’s blogs are. That appears to be what most blogs are mainly about – the everyday life of whomever is writing the thing. No shame there.
By the way, Anonymous? Nobody is Hemingway anymore. He’s dead, you know.
Hemingway was overrated. Any idiot that shoots himself isn’t worth the attention in my book.
I agree with Suldog. Kehaar is doing a great job with this. I like reading this blog in it’s entirety and the Carnival only makes it that much more enjoyable.
The people that created/own this blog are great, and I have a lot of respect for everyone that posts in this space.
Anonymous- if you don’t like it, don’t read it. I’m fairly certain that the owners of this blog wouldn’t mind losing one reader. Much less- a reader who complains about petty things. Shut up or grow up. You choose.
Anon – you take this blog stuff way too seriously. Have a beer – and relax.
You also must a complete retard not enjoy college basketball.
Keep it up – Keehar – your life stories and writing skills are fantastic and give me a chuckle every time I read anything you post.
Talk about a farkin’ icehole.
Thank you all for your support. If I am elected, I promise to serve to the best of my ability and…
Oh, well, thanks anyway.
I should point out that until Kehaar went to weather.com he was actually paid by a newspaper to be an editor, so his judgement about what is crap/what is not has been judged by the market to be higher than….let’s call it 90% of the blogosphere, though I suspect that percentage isn’t nearly high enough.
If you want to make the carnival, put some effort into it. It’s not a slush pile.
The only complaint I have about Kehaar is that he doesn’t blog enough.
Of course, I have that complaint about ever author here, including myself.
Bigwig- I think you guys post enough. I mean there are some days where it’s a little boring, but that’s only because there really isn’t much going on.
This blog usually keeps things fresh, and moving along pretty well compared to the others that I read.
Kehaar seems like a busy guy, and any time that he takes away from his whole life to write in this space is definitely worth the read. The same goes for anyone who writes in this blog. There are blogs out there that really don’t deserve many readers because they honestly aren’t that great. But this one is one of my favorites because of the funny stories from the family, because of the inside jokes between the owners/writers, and most importantly because it’s actually interesting.
Reading just about someone’s life can get boring pretty easily unless they’re one hell of an exciting person. I’m not saying Kehaar is a boring person (I wouldn’t know). I would guess that he really isn’t boring, but that he just has so much going on that he doesn’t have the time to sit down and write about it. (Again- I wouldn’t know.)
But reading Kehaar’s post about Mr. Clean’s Magic Eraser was just hilarious, informative, and honestly- pretty interesting. We got to see a side of Kehaar that us readers don’t get to see. He made us laugh, and he advertised a product that really does work well.
The point that I’m trying to make (It’s not working too well) is that Kehaar posts good stuff here.
Now, from what I understand he’s been busy and that is totally acceptable. It’s not our fault that he has more responsibilities to stick to.
I comment on his stuff the most because it’s the most interesting. It’s some of the funniest stuff I read. (It’s really just the old-school family stories that get me.)I wish he would post here more often, but I understand that he doesn’t have as much downtime as other writers here do.
I like reading anything by any of the writers here, really. They’re all hilarious and they’re all good people.
Honestly, Anonymous, if you don’t like it- Don’t read it. Kehaar is doing an excellent job. I think he’s doing a good job with it and doesn’t deserve to be dissed like that.
I don’t blog, I don’t write up carnivals or anything. But I like reading stuff that Bigwig and Kehaar write. It’s quality stuff.
Let the man handle the carnival. Just sit back and relax. If you don’t like it, close the page. Just let the man do his job. He’s got control of the carnival right now and he’s doing things the way he feels they should be done. Let him handle it.
If you want to do things your way, you can go make your own carnival and do things yourself. Otherwise, stop complaining about how people run things. They’re doing it the way they want to, and in my opinion- they’re doing a damn good job.
You guys stop it. I’m blushing. Seriously.
Kehaar -
Don’t let it go to your head, you still are a bastige.
Yeah, Icehole’s right.
Sorry, man.(Not really)
Somonabotches, the both of you.