And it came to pass in those days, that there went out a decree from Attorney Nifong, that Duke Lacrosse players should be shunned.
And some in the city did so, though many did not, for Attorney Nifong was nigh as popular as a wet fart in a crowded elevator.
Then she who caused the shunning was found to be great with child, and when questioned of the father of the child, she said nothing.
And though someone or group of someones had liberally donated much genetic matter to the clothing and various openings of the mother at the time when she first conceived, whomsoever did so could not be found. So it must have been God, as that is the way of God, to love them and leave them.
And the multitudes rejoiced, saying “Glory to God in the highest,” for now there was the promise of a feel-good ABC holiday movie of the week for a surety, and many of them would have the chance to be extras in the ABC movie of the week when the second unit camera crew arrived to take the establishing shots.
And furthermore, publicity tie-ins for “God’s Chistmas Stripper Baby” (working title) would perhaps bring Oprah, patron saint of quality material goods, to the area, where she would allow the multitudes to howl for said quality material goods like rabid harpies confronted with fresh glistening entrails when said quality material goods were shown on stage, for nothing says Christmas like whoring oneself to women’s television programming in the hopes of obtaining a top of the line digital camera or other consumer item.
Yea, Verily.
PostScript: Ok, so make it Another Christmas Story.
