Archive for January, 2005

“Donazetti! He’s adoing it again! Stupid man! Did I not tell you that the Pope, he goes crazy when you don’t feed him on time!”

I try to feed him, Antonio, but the Pope, he tell me Bishop Cornelius’s pierogis weren’t fit for Judas. He said he wanted the roof chicken again.

“The Pope said that?”

“Yes, then he hit me with his little spoon and give me fifty-thousand Our Fathers as penance. ”

“His little spoon?

“Yes. Right on my head he hit me with it. He wait until I bend down to kiss the ring, then he smack me inna my head with his spoon.”

“You’re lucky. He stick me with his fork this morning when his bath, it got cold.”

“……”

“What?”

“Why’s the Pope a need a fork in his bathtub for, Antonio?”

“He uses it to pick up the soap, Donezetti. He don’t like the slippery soap.”

“No?”

“No. The man in the Irish spring commercial? The Pope, he excommunicate him again yesterday when the soap, it slide out. I try to tell him that man, that’s an actor, he’s not even Irish, but the Pope, he asked me if I want some too, so I shut up about it.”

“At’sa for the best. He excommunicate Fonzarelli last week, and now he can’t get no work.”

“Ah, the Pope, he will forgive Fonzarelli. Fonzarelli cooks the best Pollo del Tetto in all of Rome, and….Madre del Dio, there he goes again! Quickly, before he gets another beak stuck in his hand!”


Photos via yahoo

Say you’re a Democrat, one of those southern ones that are dying on the vine down here. How best to rescue the party from the domination by the northeastern Osama-applauding Bill Maherites?

I’m talking to ya’ll, Mike, Marc.

Easy. Move up the 2008 primaries. Let New Hampshire keep its first in the nation status–there’s no point in kicking up a ruckus–but schedule North Carolina’s for the day after. Let the candidates decide how valuable New Hampshire’s measly 22 delegates are in the face of our mighty 90. Heck, get together with Phil, Mark, and Joe, make it regional, and offer up 269 delegates. Call it “Super Red-State Wednesday.”

Force the candidates to appeal to Howard Dean’s pick-up driving Confederates first, and they’ll have a hard time tacking left later, leaving them ideally positioned in the center, before the general election ever begins. Shoot, open the whole thing up so that any voter can vote for any candidate and the stampede to the center will be overwhelming

And if that change benefits a native son or two? It’s all for the better then, isn’t it? It surely beats the alternative, watching as the slow death of the Democrats in the South proceeds apace.

Update: It has been suggested that, were this to work, or that even before the first vote is cast on Super Red-State Wednesday, that other states would rush to move their primaries up as well, effectively front-loading the primary schedule to an even greater degree, thus compressing the schedule to such a degree that voters will not have time to detect the flaws in one or another of the candidates.

Sure they will. Let’s take the front-loading idea to its logical extreme and say that in 2008, every state in the nation holds its primary on the same day in January. As in the recent general election, candidates will have to campaign nationally, or at least attempt to stitch together a critical number of states, forcing them to begin campaigning earlier. There’s your extra flaw detecting time right there. Of course, the flip side is that we as an electorate will be subjected to even more campaigning.

Don’t everyone thank me at once, now.

Ideally, we would not only hold a national primary on one day, but that day would be in, say, late June, but that might be a bit much to ask.

New Carnivals are popping up like weeds.

The initial edition of The Skeptics’ Circle appears, appropriately enough, on February 3rd, Groundhog Day.

There’s also the Catholic Carnival, the Carnival of Bad History, and the Carnival of the Balkans.

Thanks to Lane of The Blog from the Core and the indefatigable Coturnix of Science and Politics for pointing me their way.

Supposedly a man’s grip should exceed his grasp, but it seems unfair that in certain areas I have no grasp to speak of.

Like drawing, for instance. The pseudonymous yochanan, after viewing the empurpled digitus impudicus below, suggests that it would make a great t-shirt.

Likely it would, but I don’t think slapping some purple on a kidnapped image makes it mine to a large enough degree. Besides, I think I’ve come up with a better.

Not that I can draw it, or even find a close approximation.

It’s your basic V-for Victory fingers, palm out so that it sends the same basic message as the single digit, superimposed over an Iraqi flag. The index finger is purple, but blood streams from the creases in the palms and between the fingers, as if the hand had just been withdrawn from a pool of blood.

Beneath the hand a caption reads. “It’s not a victory for Bush. It’s a victory for Humanity.”

I’m pretty sure that would sell like hotcakes in certain circles. Too bad I’ve got basically nothing when it comes to art chops.

To: Abu Musab Zarqawi

From: Iraq

Re: Democracy


original image via Smiles2Send

Update: Great Minds, and all that.

It’s a banner day for science!

“I cannot disprove that this cloth was the burial shroud that was used on Jesus,” Raymond N. Rogers, a retired chemist from the University of California-operated Los Alamos National Laboratory in New Mexico, said in a telephone interview Friday from his home.

Other claims about the Shroud that Mr. Rogers will be unable to disprove.

1. That the Shroud was the focus of a thousand year war between the Insectivore Warriors of Zetabin Three and the Interstallar League of Astro-Monks.

2. That when used as a prayer mat by certain elderly nuns, rain falls in unobserved parts of the Sahara.

3. Tying a thread from the Shroud around one’s wrist delays the onset of cancer by up to six months.

4. That the original title of the Shroud was “Self-Portrait With Camera Obscura,” but the accompanying documentation was eaten by starving Jesuits during the Thirty Years War.

5. That the real value of the cloth is due to the accidental ventral x-rays of the last remaining Ichthyosaurus found on either side, discovered swimming in Como Lake in the 14th century.

6. That the portrait is not of Jesus at all, but rather of a 7th Century Italian knight who was ashamed about the size of his package.

“The chemistry says it was a real shroud, the blood spots on it are real blood, and the technology that was used to make that piece of cloth was exactly what Pliny the Elder reported for his time,” about 70 A.D., Rogers said, referring to the naturalist of ancient Roman times.

Other things reported by Pliny The Elder; Dog headed people! Elephants writing in Greek! Basilisks!

The American chemist said he decided to analyze the amount of vanillin, a chemical compound that is present in linen from the flax fibers used to weave it. Vanillin slowly disappears from the fiber over time at a calculated rate, he said.

Judging by those calculations, a medieval-age cloth should have had some 37 percent of its vanillin left by 1978, the year the threads were taken from the shroud, Rogers said. But there was virtually no vanillin left in the shroud, leading the chemist to calculate it could be far older than the radiocarbon testing indicated, possibly some 3,000 years old.

Shocking fact somehow left out of the article above, presumably due to the sudden death of the reporter. The rate of vanillin decay varies with temperature.

Unfortunately, Rogers’s test is much less accurate and precise than radiocarbon dating because its crucial parameter is the temperature at which the Shroud was stored. Small differences in storage temperature, however, lead to very divergent results, which is the reason why Rogers could only give a huge range of 1700 years for his dating. By contrast, the relevant parameters for radiocarbon testing are known independently of the item’s history and the radiocarbon testing yielded more precise 130-year range for its results.

Of course, the Shroud had not been stored at a constant 20-25C temperature, and its actual storage temperatures can only be guessed since this information has not been recorded for much of the history of the Shroud. But the temperature is critical to Rogers’s dating. For example, using his equation, I estimate that if the temperature of the Shroud were raised to 150C (300F), it would only take about six (6) hours to lose 95% of all the vanillin. This is not an unreasonable possibility since the Shroud nearly perished in a serious fire

The chemist said he doubted the shroud could be reliably tested any more, contending that a top-secret restoration in 2002 likely would influence chemical results.

How very convenient.

Q: Quick, Teddy Kennedy or Josef Mengele?

4065964

Answer below.

Continue reading ‘Separated At Birth?’ »

Once and future friend of Hraka Jim Ryan has returned to blogosphere in the company of giants, at the group blog The Conservative Philosopher. It’s probably my own fault that, of all the authors, Jim, Kekes and Roger Scruton are the only ones I’m familiar with, but still. Roger Scruton has a blog. Damn.

The view has for a long time prevailed in England that conservatism is simply no longer available?even if it ever has been really available to an intelligent person?as a social and political creed. Maybe, if you are an aristocrat or a child of wealthy and settled parents, you might inherit conservative beliefs, in the way that you might inherit a speech impediment or a Habsburg jaw. But you couldn?t possibly acquire them?certainly not by any process of rational enquiry or serious thought. And yet there I was, in the early 1970s, fresh from the shock of 1968, and from the countervailing shock of legal studies, with a fully articulate set of conservative beliefs. Where could I look for the people who shared them, for the thinkers who had spelled them out at proper length, for the social, economic, and political theory that would give them force and authority sufficient to argue them in the forum of academic opinion?

Finally there’s one place on the net where I can expect to find my fill of philosophical fox hunting news.

You know the static electricity levels in your house are high when you can force the electronic thermostat to reboot just by touching it.

The children have become jumpy and nervous whenever I approach, and the cats won’t have anything to do with any of us.

Auschwitz was liberated sixty years ago today, and what had been a terrible rumor became a horrible fact. What was unseen became seen.

More was to come.


Click on picture for a larger version.

The second post in Unseen History–the first is linked up above–can be found here. A collection of all the posts relating to the concentration camp photos my father found is here.

Thousands more concentration camp photos remain unseen, boxed up in the National Archives. One day, when I have the time and the money, I’ll see about adding some of them to the series.