Archive for May 7th, 2004

Wife Silencer

Posted in Uncategorized on May 7th, 2004 by Bigwig – 1 Comment

Tired of hearing your wife complain about your fishing trips with the boys, or your lack of motivation to complete household chores? Now you can take care of that problem with the Wife Silencer from Ronco. Get yours for just 3 easy installments of $19.95. Act now and we will throw in one of our Attention Getters for free. Call now before supplies run out, and before my wife sees this post and forces me to remove it.

DOT’s Work Ethic

Posted in Uncategorized on May 7th, 2004 by Bigwig – Comments Off

A construction worker for the DOT is pictured here, working hard directing traffic around a busy section of highway being repaved.

A Dragon Of Eden

Posted in Parental on May 7th, 2004 by Kehaar – Comments Off

If anyone in the family, or anyone else for that matter, I suppose, is wondering what to get Scotty for his upcoming first birthday, be advised that he is currently insanely fond of lawnmowers, just really cannot get enough of them. Riding lawnmowers, push lawnmowers–the minute he spies one his attention is fixed. He shouts, bounces up and down, claps his hands, more or less displaying all the behavior of a football fan watching a close home game.

His fascination with them bothers the Sainted Wife, who for the life of her cannot understand his fixation with the machines. Saying “he’s a boy,” by way of explanation doesn’t help much, implying as it does that large parts of the male mind are ineffable, forever beyond the understanding of females.

And this is her son, a being whom she has borne about on her hip for nearly his entire life. If his some of his thought processes are a closed book to her, then what the hell goes on in my mind?

In case you were wondering, “You really don’t want to know,” is just as unsatisfying an explanation as “he’s a boy.”