Silflay Hraka

Is That An Axe In Your Pocket, Or……

They’ve got something to put in you, at the Gay Bar.

Number Two With A Bullet

Madonna, posing in a scene from the video sequel to her phenomenal single “Vogue”

Fart

Strike a match, strike a match
(Fart fart fart fart fart)

Look around, everyone you know, their butt aches
It?s everywhere that you go (lift a leg)
You try everything you can to deny the smell of gas that you know
(Nobody has to know)
If all else fails and you long to be smelling better than you are today
I know a place where you can get away
It’s an elevator and here?s what it?s for so

All you need is your own constipation
So use it that?s what it?s for (that?s what it?s for)
Go inside for your finest flatulation
Your wind will open the door (open the door)
It makes no difference if you?re black or white if you?re a boy or a girl
If the gas is pumping it will give you new life
You are an ass guitar yes that?s what you are you know it

Come on fart (fart)
Let your asshole make its own music (make its own music!)
Hey hey hey come on fart (fart)
Let your rectum go with the flow go with the flow
You know you can do it

Booty where you smell it
Not just where you bump and grind it
My turds are musical
That?s where I feel so beautiful magical
Life?s a gas so get on the elevator

Come on fart (fart)
Let your asshole make its own music (make its own music!)
Hey hey hey come on fart (fart)
Let your rectum go with the flow go with the flow
You know you can do it

Flatulence is where you find it!
Flatulence is where you find it!

Greta Garbo and Monroe Dietrich and DiMaggio
Marlon Brando Jimmy Dean
Silent but deadly was their routine
Grace Kelly Harlow Jean
Queefing like a beauty queen
Gene Kelly Fred Astaire
Ginger Rogers passed some air
They broke wind all over the place
Rita Hayworth, right in your face
Lauren Katherine Lana too
Bettie Davies turned Clark blue
Ladies with an attitude
Felias that were in the mood

Don?t just stand there let?s get to it
Strike a match there?s nothing to it
Fart (fart) fart (fart)

Beer of the Night – Olde Suffolk English Ale.

Beer of the Night came real close to being Two Glasses of Scotch Night. This was in my email when I got home tonight (personal info munged)

Dear Bigwig,

##### #####
Editor-at-Large
Maxim Magazine
######## at maximmag.com

Suspicious and paranoid man that I am, I ignored the pitter-patter of little duck feet under my sternum and checked the headers for the originating machine. That particular post has generated more than a little antipathy from certain brie loving Sartre readers, and I’d hate to have the friends of Les Chameau pull one over one me.

Received: from webmail.dennispub.com (webmail.dennispub.com [63.116.60.32]) by ncmx02.mgw.rr.com (8.12.5/8.12.5).

Okay, so dennispub sounds ok, could be a publishing company. Let’s try www.dennispub.com, see what that brings up…..c’mon, baby needs a new pair of something…….hot friggety damn!

So I called them. I’ll let you know if anything happens.

Zod: Like they could stop you.
Ah, it’s not that big a deal.
Zod: Barely even worth mentioning.
It’s a slow night.
Zod: Such a small matter. You’ll probably forget all about it.
Probably will.
Zod: Not worth even cashing the check, really.
Hey, let’s not go crazy, here.
Zod: I’m not the one talking to me, if you get my drift.
Not any longer.

It’s very good scotch, but so far I’ve saved it for friends, so I pulled the Olde Suffolk out of the beer fridge. It being the closest beer equivalent to aged whiskey in the house at the moment. It’s a mixture of two ales, one of which is aged for two years in oak casks. It’s possible to taste them separately, but you have to know the brewer. I’ve had it before, back in the dot-com era when the Sainted Wife and I were flush with cash and unflush with children, days long ago when I had a membership in Michael Jackson’s beer club. No, not that one. I shudder to think what he would send out in the mail.

The Olde Suffolk is as dark as a porter, so by my theory it should be at least as complex. Unfortunately, now that I’ve reached the review portion of the post, I find that the beer is gone. From memory, then. Good Bouquet, good head, kind of a hoppy/coffee overtone, which tasted better than it sounds. I’m worried that it was a slight touch of the problem that the Caledonian did last night, in that it’s a winter beer and we’re moving on towards spring, but if so, it wasn’t nearly as bad. I got them both at the same place, at the Frugal MacDoogals just south of Charlotte, and while they carry a great variety of beer unavailable in NC, they strike me as being more concerned with quantity than quality. Not that I have much of choice. There’s not a lot of beer specialty stores near Rock Hill that I know of.

Lasy Boy

Normally another bunny blogs about the weapons systems, but the Airborne Laser System has been at the back of my mind since a mixed group of B-52′s and B-1′s were deployed to Guam last week, for use in case North Korea decided to act up while U.S. forces were busy in Iraq. That announcement, combined with the evident insouciance of the Bush administration about North Korean missile launches and a vague recollection of some sort of aircraft mounted laser system all combined to make me wonder if the announcement was a cover for the deployment of the system.

I was wrong, or at least probably wrong, as Google showed me pretty quickly. First of all, the laser is mounted on a modified Boeing 747 rather than a B-52, B-1B or one of our bat-winged harbingers of war. Second, the main laser supposedly hasn’t been delivered yet, though the targeting laser has. Given the current situation, I don’t think anyone would make an announcement if it was delivered ahead of schedule, and the timeline mentioned in the Popular Science article is not the same as the original one, which had the system undergoing its final tests in 2003, though this may have been due to budget difficulties.

Almost certainly the system has been given a much higher priority since the escalation of the Korean crisis, if it already hadn’t been bumped it up in the funding queue by the Bush administration. If what the Pop Sci article says is true, and the majority of the challenge is in integrating mature systems, then throwing money at the program could indeed speed up production dramatically. Integration of mature systems is an engineering challenge, not a scientific one, and engineering challenges are readily affected by large amounts of money.

The only rational thing to do is to assume that the published timeline is more or less correct, and that the system won’t be deployed before 2008.

But that would be boring, so I’ve decided to be mostly irrational, with perhaps a touch of paranoia.

Zod: We’ll be able to tell the difference how?
Hush, I’m too busy for you. Go back to looking at the NSFW links at Fark

So, for those of you still here, consider the news page at the Airborne Laser home site. Unupdated since July 18 , 2002. Or the events page, which is also still stuck in 2002, as is the milestones page. ( The Wichita flight testing has already been completed.) Finally, and most ominously, the
Program Plan page, which is being…..cue spooky music…..revised.

Here’s another page with some decent pics of that 747, the YAL-1A.

Has anyone seen it lately?

“High”er Education

Now this is more like what college is supposed to be about, except this dude isn’t a student, he’s the college president.

Ecosystem Out of Balance

It starts out innocently enough with this, and before long it turns into this. You have been warned.

Spit Take

Beer of the Night - Caledonian Golden Promise, the world’s first organic beer, apparently.

Well, it could have used some of those fancy non-organic preservatives, if you ask me. The beer wasn’t skunked, but it was an aged and infirm beer. Little to no head, which is always a warning sign, and all the high ester notes you’d expect in an ale were just not there, having all decayed into a bitter puddle of aftertaste that would not depart from my taste buds despite repeated water chasers. There’s no freshness or expiration date on the bottle, unless the mysterious “1232 03C” on the back label means something. It’s apparently a very good ale when fresh, so I seem to have drawn the short straw with this particular bottle.