Just in Time for Christmas
Announcer: From Russia with love, It’s the new game all the kids are playing! Yes, It’s Mystery Gas!
Jingle: Open the door, for your Mystery Gas!
Announcer: “When you open the door, will your Mystery Gas be a dream. . .
Girls: (gasp, sigh)
Announcer: Or a dud?
Girls: Oh!
Announcer: Yes, We’ve updated the classic 50’s game for a new generation! What with all the bed-swapping and gender-confusion going on, not to mention all the rich geeks, Mystery Date seemed just a little passe. Now you too can rescue hostages, but be careful! Use the wrong gas and Islamic warriors will shoot your mom and baby sister right in the face!
Amy: I’ve got aerosolized Fentanyl!
Julie: I’ve got BZ!
Heather: I’ve got Phenothiazine!
Agatha: I’ve got……methane. Goddammit. (shots fire in background)
Heather: You stink and your Mom is dead. Agatha bursts into tears and runs from the room.
Jingle: Open the door, for your Mystery Gas!
Announcer: Comes complete with New York Times Headline maker for stories you can print yourself about your daring rescues! Caution, this 10 point headline kit comes with only the following nouns “captors”, “separatists”, “freedom-fighters”, “rebels”, “innocents” and “peacewarriors”. “Terrorist” not included.
