Deleted Scenes from Monty Python and the Holy Grail
Head Knight: You must return here with a shrubbery, or else, you will never pass through this wood… alive.
Arthur: O Knights of Ni, you are just and fair, and we will return with a shrubbery….but…
Head Knight: No buts!
Other Knights of Ni: Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni!
Arthur and Party: Ow! Oh!
Arthur: O Knights of Ni, you are just and fair, but what if our shrubbery fails to please?
Head Knight: Then….
Another Knight of Ni: Boil then in oil!
Another Knight of Ni: Flay them…..alive!
Dingo: You must tie her down on a bed and spank her!
Girls: A spanking! A spanking!
Head Knight: Here, where did you come from?
Dingo: Why, the Castle Anthrax!
Head Knight: The Castle Anthrax?
Dingo: Yes… oh, it’s not a very good name is it?
Knights: Aaaaugh! Aaaugh!
Arthur: Excuse me…
Head Knight: Don’t say that word.
Arthur: What word?
Head Knight: Not you. Her!
Dingo: What word?
Head Knight: I cannot tell, suffice to say is one of the words
the Knights of Ni cannot hear.
Dingo: How can we not say the word if you don’t tell us what it
is?
Knights: Aaaaugh! Aaaugh!
Dingo: What, `is’?
Head Knight: No, not `is’ — we couldn’t get vary far in life not
saying `is’.
Arthur: We were trying to have a discussion here!
Dingo: And who are you?
Arthur: I am Arthur, King of the Britons!
Dingo: Oooooooo, a King? Command me, my Lord!
Girls: Command me! Command me!
Arthur: Er, ah, yes. Very well then. Go home!
Dingo: Go home!?
Arthur: Yes, afraid so. Holy Quest, you know.
Dingo: Oh, shit.
Arthur: Now, where were we?
Another Knight of Ni: The word!
Knights of Ni: Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni!
Head Knight: Quiet!
Another Knight of Ni: Neee-wom!
Head Knight: You had questioned the result if you returned with a inferior shrubbery.
Arthur: Yes, that’s right.
Head Knight: We knife you in the heart through the collarbone and leave you to decay by the edge of the sea.
Knights of Ni: Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni!
Arthur and Party: Ow! Oh!
Arthur: Please! Please! No more! We will find you a shrubbery.
Head Knight: One that looks nice.
Arthur: of course.
Head Knight: And not too expensive.
Arthur: Yes.
Head Knight: Now… go!
