Silflay Hraka

Born in Babylonia, moved to Arizona, King Tut.

A Left to the Chin

We read Puss in Boots for Ngnat’s bedtime story tonight. Given my unfortunate chemical makeup (I’m a man), I’ve always felt that there was something vaguely porno about the title. Aside from the obvious, all it really needs is a consonant switch and you’ve got the title of a Terence and Phillip movie. For those of you now helplessly confused (Hi Mom), that would be “Bussin’ poots”, the simple, gentle story of a man and his gas fetish.

But to Ngnat it wasn’t “Bussin’ poots”, or even “Supping Toobs”. It was “Shoo kitty.” So we read that, instead. About halfway through, with no obvious catalyst that I could see, she suddenly sat up in the bed and turned to face me, her right hand balled up in a fist. She drew up close to mine, widened her eyes so that she was making a face, and, ever so gently, punched me in the nose with the side of her fist. Girl fist though, not a boy fist.

Aside: Having exhaustively searched the web for an illustration of boy first versus girl fist and finding only Shotokan and porn, I find I must explain this myself. It was common knowledge in my elementary school that boys made fists with their thumb across the front of the first, and girls made fists with the thumb at the side of the fists. Various other thumb positions were heavily debated, including thumb under pointer and thumb inside fist, but dismissed as dangerous to the digit. God help the boy who made girl fists.

Certainly it didn’t hurt. If anything, it was a caress. If so, it was the weirdest caress I can recall, and I spent a good part of my life dating repressed church girls yearning to break free. Thanks Dusty, I owe you. She popped up another couple of times as I read to her of the adventures of the canny Puss and his dimwit master, looked deep into my eyes, gave her impression of Susan Sarandon being goosed by Pat Buchanan, and tagged me with the world’s softest right cross.

It’s not the only thing she’s picked up. She saw a shark on television earlier tonight, immediately turned away and buried her head in my chest. When and where did she learn to be scared of sharks? How does she even recognize a shark? She’s not even three. Every color in the world to her is “wed”, “boo” or “lullah”, but she recognizes dangerous fish. She also knows the Lord’s Prayer, which makes me suspect that the nice ladies at the Baptist daycare she attends put on habits and lead the children in daylong catechism lessons as soon as the parents are all gone.

We spend all of our time worrying about exposing her to different experiences, but we’re stunned as soon as she gives us proof that she’s been exposed to them. I guess we still expect to be the primary filters through which she sees the world.

So much for that.

U.N. Weapons Inspectors Seek Open Access in Iraq

Chief inspector Hans Blix told reporters at the Vienna headquarters of the International Atomic Energy Agency that the talks would operate under the assumption that nothing in Iraq — including Saddam’s palaces — will be off- limits to inspectors hunting for nuclear, biological and chemical weaponry.

Here’s a prediction. By this time next week, Hans Blix will announce that the Iraqis have agreed in principle to allow U.N. weapons inspectors open access to any and all sites within Iraq. He might even wave a piece of paper in the air. Russia, China and France, perhaps joined by other members of the Security Council, will argue that this abrogates the need for new resolutions on the matter. The NYT and the WaPo will run headlines like “Saddam outmaneuvers Bush; agrees to open inspections.” The Bush administration will act like it has taken a shot to the knees for a day or so, come out with a response on the order of “Liar, Liar, pants on fire,” and go back to beating the war drum. The Senate Democrats will accuse Bush of leading the U.S. into war at all costs, and some leftist celebrity will call Saddam a “Man of Peace”*. The blogosphere with thrash through another round of debate on the topic of “does Bush have a plan or is he making it up as he goes along.” before returning to pretty much the same divisions it has today.

The week after that, Iraq will object to the makeup of the inspections teams, arguing that they are providing cover for U.S. spies. Blix returns to the negotiating table for more talks, and Saddam is a week closer to his bomb.

If they do have a plan, then Bush & Co. have gamed out all the possible variations of delay that Saddam is going to use, and has figured that he’ll exhaust those avenues sometime in January. Coincidentally or not, that’s one of the times most bruited about for the attack. If they don’t have a plan, they maybe we will see an attack in October or November, before Saddam has finished with his delaying tactics. You can expect the howls of protest to drown out the sound of bombs, at least at the beginning.

If it’s Babs, it will be “Man of Piece”

Money Dance! Thanks to our Amazon tipster! Another $5 in the tin for the communal beach house.

Sign of Armageddon

Dammit, we have to put an end to the insanity that is television programming. The idea of reality programming is no longer interesting and tv executives are spending way too much time sitting around thinking this stuff up. I realize that Survivor has been very successful, and I admit that I did watch the last 15 minutes of the first run through of the program (?not help you?..you suck?.evil bitch?.bitter I didn?t win?.blah, blah, blah), but who is still watching this crap which is causing everyone to continue generating these shows?

Survivor, Big Brother, The Osbournes and the Anna Nicole Smith Show (which basically is an advertisement for Twinkies) were enough, now we have crossed the line. Coming soon is The Surreal Life which is going to place a number of celebrities??..I?m sorry, ex-celebrities in a house to live together for two weeks. The amazing line of has-beens put together for this extravaganza includes ex-Motley Crue singer, Vince Neil, M.C. Hammer, and the little guy who played Webster (I know, I thought he was dead too).

We should have stopped with COPS, where at least someone might get shot. We will just wish we could shoot someone if we watch this crap. I am going to put a bumper sticker on my car which read ?Don?t Blame Me, I Only Watch Sports.? The thing that really frightens me is that I do not see an end to this madness. We will continue to put any number of people in a house together and watch them live with or kill each other. WB, for the love of God, please don?t do this. Let?s keep Webster on Nickelodeon, M.C. Hammer on the religious channel, and Vince Neil in rehab. This idea makes Mama?s Family look like sheer genious.