Silflay Hraka

I consider this to be my own fault. This fellow is trying to communicate something, and since I am unfamiliar with the subtleties of Islamic expression, I have absolutely no idea what. It’s so difficult to translate the symbols of another culture into a meaning that we can all understand. He is pointing towards the sky, perhaps in an indication that we need to raise the spiritual level of our national conversation about Islam. Could it be a delicate reminder that in all things we must first consider the viewpoint of the eternal creator of us all?

If you draw lines upwards from his extended digits, they cross at a point just above the crown of his scalp. A line through each each elbow would, with each arm defining a side, then create a triangle. This is clearly a reference to the Christian notion of the Trinity as expressed in the three major religions of the Middle East. The subtle reader needs no reminder here that in a triangle, three become one. Could it be that this man is one of the great Imams, sent here by his brethren with a message of the innate unity and brotherhood of mankind? What is the significance of the implied triangle coming to its apex just above the crown of his skull? Is is a reference to the Crown of Peace, steadfastly desired by us all? How I wish I could divine more of his message!

Might the two fingers, alike as they are, refer to the Twin Towers, and that horrible day when American hubris brought them down? Is he making the point that only with the help of our Muslim brother and sisters may we expect them to rise again? Is he commenting on the plans to rebuild them? Would the erection of their replacements be a slap in the face to this man of peace and his brethren? I suspect that in their haste, the board overseeing the new building plans has overlooked the necessity of making sure the Muslim point of view is adequately represented, and that this fine fellow is giving us a gentle remonstration for that unconcious oversight. After all, Muslims died that day as well.

Heavens this is difficult! If there were only some clear indication of his thoughts, perhaps we could find common ground with him. Once we find common ground, then we could negotiate our way to a mutual understanding, perhaps even, dare I say it, a common love through the recognition of each other’s basic humanity? What we need is an icebreaker, or something to eat. You can really bond with people over a meal, I’ve always thought. I have a really good hummus recipe…

Not so much haute couture as it is hate couture.

Environment Rich in Germs May Reduce Risk of Asthma

I keep telling the wife that leaving my toenail clippings on the coffee table is good for the for the child. Not only are they an efficient cross between potato chips and a teething ring, they are a valuable health aid. It’s not an apple a day that keeps the doctor away, it’s a germ a day. Sure, all the pills and potions and various nostrums help, some, but there’s nothing like forcing your system to have it out with the wee beasties on a daily basis to keep a body healthy. You know how your parents used to tell you that if the medicine tasted bad, that it was good for you? I bet the rim of the toilet tastes bad, too. Go ahead, lick it! It’s for your own good.

Okay, let’s assume that you have some minimum degree of cleanliness in you house that renders your toilet rim hor de combat in the struggle against germs. Where to go? What to do?

Have no fear, gentle readers, for you can render yourself immune to the vast majority of morbidities, infirmities, ailments, indispositions, disorders, maladies and distempers without reducing your household environment to that of an elderly Turkish prison. Yes, by utilizing the scientific principles underlying the Silflay Hraka Theory of Self-Vaccination, you will not longer quiver in fear when confronted with a carrier of Yersinia pestis, but will be able to laugh, laugh I tell you!, in the face of danger.

Now as we all know, repeated exposure to germs creates an immune response. In order to self-vaccinate, one must first ascertain where an easily accessible, constantly renewed reservoir of germs is located, determine the most efficient way of exposing one’s immune system to said germs, and then proceed to do so on a more or less regular basis. The short lifespan and fecund proclivities of the bacilli and the virii mean that evolution within their families proceeds at a rapid pace. Thus, repeated re-exposures are required so that one’s immune system is always up to date.

There exists but one place where you can be assured of simple access to an veritable cornucopia of microbial life–the inside of your nose. Picking your nose and eating the boogers is the only way to assure yourself of continued good health in these uncertain times.

The nose is constantly surfing the winds of the world, drawing in all manner of sundry items. It exists as a trap for these bits of filth, which add a piquant flavor to the salty mucus and chewy nostril hairs. Don’t let those germs go to waste! Eat them, and live forever. Why, in no time at all, you will be seeking out areas where germs concentrate, so that you may conquer them. The air in a crowded men’s restroom, some thirty minutes after the lunch hour? That’s where supermen are made. That air is golden, ripe with possibilities. Breathe deeply of the miasma, feel the new germs impact and catch on the inner surface of the nostril. Then eat, eat of your body and free yourself of care!