Archive for September 16th, 2002
Buying a house sucks
Buying a house may not be the hell that selling a house can be, but it can sure suck sometimes.
Here’s the background: About six weeks ago, I start seriously looking for a home. About three or four weeks ago, I start making offers. I find a nice little condo in a nice quiet neighborhood. Not too expensive, history of easy resale, makes a nice rental property if I decide to move out in a few years and get something bigger. The first offer I make goes back and forth and back and forth before I decide to walk away from it. The owner’s mother is a real estate agent and IMHO wants more than the property is worth, considering that there are several other properties in the same area that are more reasonably priced. So, I put a lowball offer on another unit (apologies to Woundwort), figuring that I will at least start lower and work my way up from there. To my great surprise, the owner accepted the first offer right off the bat. I was and remain thrilled. I mean, I knocked a good 10% off the ask just in making the offer.
I know what you’re thinking. The place must be about to fall down, or have a horrible pest problem, or be haunted by poltergeist or something like that for someone to up and accept a lowball offer right off the bat. I began to wonder about that myself. So, I wait through the home inspection with fingers crossed. Once again to my surprise, no big issues. Where is the catch, I wonder?
Well, the place MAY ACTUALLY be haunted. Though I doubt it. Evidently, the current owner inherited the property upon the passing of his mother (God rest her soul). I could probably stand to be haunted by a little old lady, but that isn’t the catch. The catch is that even after the property was on the market for about 3 months, and even three weeks post signed contract, the property hasn’t been through the probate process yet. Which means that the property can’t be transferred until the probate process is over. Which means that my scheduled close date of Sept. 26th just ain’t happening. Which means that since I’ve told my landlord that I was moving out of my current apartment at the end of September and my landlord already has the apartment rented as of Oct. 1, I have no place to live at the end of the month.
You guessed it. I’m pretty pissed off.
Fine. Current owner hasn’t taken care of business, but has put property on the market AND signed a contract for sale of said property. The closing can’t go through as scheduled. But I still have options. I can a.) put all my stuff in storage, put my dog in a kennel, and go live at the Extended Stay America for a month or so. Of course, if this happens, all my bills are going to the seller OR b.) I can occupy the property as scheduled and just wait until the new closing date arrives. Obviously b.) is more amenable to me and to the seller. Barring any lein or claim against the property, that works well.
Turns out that there are no leins or claims and that we COULD take route b. Here’s the kicker. The seller wants to charge me $500.00 a month RENT to occupy the property.
Unh-uh. Awww, Hell no.
Not one dollar, dime or cent extra am I paying to this goon, not no way, not no how. I put down $500.00 earnest money when I made the offer on the property as a way of saying that I was dealing in good faith and I wouldn’t back out of the deal. I expect no less from the seller. I have a signed contract in my possession which says that the owner is legally able to transfer the property. I’ve already paid out for loan origination fees and credit check fees and home inspection fees and pest inspection fees and insurance and…there is no way this person is getting one single, solitary CENT (even if it’s Canadian) out of me.
Plus, I can’t lock my rates until there is a set closing date, and everyone knows how good mortgage rates are right now. I’ll probably have to settle for a higher interest rate on my loan when it actually comes time to close.
So, as it stands now, I have no place to live at the end of the month. If he accepts my counter-offer of “Listen you jerk, I MIGHT not walk away from this if you let me occupy the property rent-free as scheduled”, then everything might possibly be hunky-dory. But even if he wants to break contract and face legal action, I am not going to worry. I’ll have someplace to stay, I’m sure. The Lord will provide. I mean, there’s always family, right BigWig? Right? Hello? BigWig? Hmmm. Seems like no one is around…
Transit Cops Turn to Music to Fight Crime
BOSTON (Reuters) - Boston transit police have enlisted the late American composers George Gershwin and John Philip Sousa in their fight against crime.
…
MBTA officials said the sounds of brass and strings blaring over the newly installed speakers are already having their desired effect, reducing crowds at the Forest Hills station, where there had been two to three fights daily.
Although several youths have complained about the music, fewer of them are loitering — to the delight of officials and those who work in the station.
The success of the program has led other public offices and venues to adopt various musical styles in an attempt to reduce their maddening throngs. Among the most successful has been the downtown Boston Social Security office, which has begun to play various rap and hip-hop artists in an effort to drive away retirees.
Office manager Chutney Wilkes says that while both Eminem and Dr. Dre are quite effective, “Lil Kim is the best. We hadn’t seen no patrons other than Mr. Anderson since we began playing Notorious KIM everyday, ’cause he’s deaf or somethin.”
Mr. Anderson agreed, loudly proclaiming “You betcha, sport. Four for a quarter and change left over! You try and find dog food like that today.”
With a grant from the V.A., the office staff have begun investigating various powerful sub-woofers and the deterrent effects of very low bass on Mr. Anderson. If successful, the V.A. hopes to deploy a similar system around its health care facilities in the near future.
The historic home of Paul Revere has reported dwindling crowds since it began broadcasting Anne Murray, and the Boston Public Library has recorded only a single visitor in the month since it began broadcasting Bon Jovi.
Other songs and their affects;
“Stand By Your Man” repels Hilary Clinton. “R-E-S-P-E-C-T” does the same to Bill. Barbra Streisand’s “Evergreen” attracts both, while repelling Trent Lott. During the period 1965-1973 the songs As the Caissons Go Rolling Along, Anchors Aweigh and Wild Blue Yonder reportedly repulsed George Bush and Dick Cheney, though the effect seems to have reversed as each aged. I Guard America has always attracted the President, however.
Pleasing The Wife
In a never-ending attempt to please the wife, I am constantly looking for ways to make our lives easier, without that translating into my life becoming more difficult. Someone may have found the answer. I may actually volunteer to do housework!!!
NOTE TO HUSBANDS: You will only appear to be a saint as long as she doesn’t actually find out how this works.
Charges send shiver through town
Members of Lackawanna’s Yemeni community describe the five arrested men as ”all-American.” They include a telemarketer, a used car salesman and a former high school soccer star who was named friendliest in his class. Four are married, and three have children. All are registered voters — Democrats, The Buffalo News reported.
Thank God I just re-registered as “unaffiliated”.
On a related note, this is what Cartman thinks of Democrats.
Killing Beyond the Grave?
Is the curse of Tut real and did he kill people beyond the grave? This article would suggest not. He is not nearly as scary as Jason. Now that guy could kill people.