The Return of Zod
A reader comments that….
Zod: What do you mean “a” reader?
It’s a person, he’s reading.
Zod: “a” implies that you have multiple readers.
We do have multiple readers.
Zod: Only if you count me and the two bugs.
Fine, I’m counting you and the bugs.
Zod: Just keeping you honest.
You done?
Zod: Certainly.
Fine.
Zod: Fine.
A reader comments…
Zod: His name’s Andy. Can’t you just say Andy?
I using the editorial voice, you ass.
Zod: Is that the one you used to try out on the dog after you read Dune?
I’m trying to do a post here.
Zod: “You will fetch the stick, Towser.”
Fine, just keep talking, I’m ignoring you.
Zod: The book said only a Bene Gesserit could use the Voice.
One of our many dedicated readers, Andy Freeman…
Zod: But no, you thought you could be the Kwisach-Haderach.
wrote in to say that he couldn’t remember…
Zod: Your mother looked for that nutmeg for weeks.
The Drunken Philosopher’s song.
Zod: Still, better than that time you decided you were the Antichrist.
This is basically the same to us as waving…
Zod: And now there’s this reincarnation of Churchill obsession.
a red flag in front of a bull..
Zod: Megalomaniac.
You’re calling me a megalomaniac, Mr. “Bring me the son of Jor-el?”
Zod: Well, look who’s back. Once again we know who’s zooming who.
“Who’s zooming who?” What, you channeling Aretha?
Aretha: You know it girl.
Zod: Ahhhh! Begone, foul shade! Back to the pit that spawned you!
Aretha: You better give me some R-E-S-P-E-C-T, or I’m going to kick you right in the T-E-E-T-H, white boy.
Zod: You will submit to Zod!. There can be only one!
Highlander: There can be only one!
Zod: Shit.
Aretha: Unless there’s a sequel, or TV show, or a breakfast cereal…
Highlander: Look, I asked for final cut, but the damn producers…
Umm, Guys?
Zod: Zod will destroy you!
Highlander: Oh, shut up, Little Dick.
Zod: Zod does not have a little dick!
Getting kind of crowded in there guys.
Aretha: Aretha knows better, honey.
Zod: That water was cold and you know it!
Highlander: A man’s sword must fit into his sheath.
Zod: I’ll do you, mate. Keep talking.
I’ll just let ya’ll thrash this out, ok? Get back to me when you’ve decide who the primary voice is.
Zod: You can have his mind when you pry it from my cold, dead fingers.
Aretha: I am going to smack this honky’s ass into next week.
Highlander: My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my fadda…Wait, that’s not right…
Ok, while I’ve got some peace here. Andy Freeman not only couldn’t remember all of the Drunken Philosopher’s song, the part he did remember he misquoted, which to a deep down soul pedant like myself is the same as a red flag to a bull.
The Philosopher’s Drinking Song
Immanuel Kant was a real pissant
who was very rarely stable.
Heidegger, Heidegger was a boozy beggar
who could think you under the table.
David Hume could out consume
Wilhelm Friedrich Hegel,
And Wittgenstein was a beery swine
who was just as sloshed as Schlegel.
There’s nothing Nietzsche couldn’t teach ya
’bout the raisin’ of the wrist.
Socrates himself was permanently pissed.
John Stewart Mill, of his own free will,
after half a pint of shandy was particularly ill.
Plato, they say, could stick it away,
‘alf a crate of whiskey every day!
Aristotle, Aristotle was a bugger for the bottle,
and Hobbes was fond of his Dram.
And Rene Descartes was a drunken fart:
“I drink, therefore I am.”
Yes, Socrates himself is particularly missed;
A lovely little thinker, but a bugger when he’s pissed.
Zod: Ok, that’s taken care of. Now where……oh bugger, he’s done.
