Drawn and Quartered
A slide show of some of the more hideous state quarter designs.
The slides drive home the point that art designed by committee is uniformly predictable, unimaginative, and boring. Did anyone ever think that South Carolina wasn’t going to stick a Palmetto on its two-bit piece? A more honest rendition would have been a overweight female in a tank top, smoking a cigarette while smacking the buttons on a video poker machine. Or it could have conveyed the attitude of its citizenry towards its major political issue by depicting a Klansmen carrying the Confederate battle flag.
I’d like to see renditions of each state as perceived by people outside the state. The Tennessee state quarter? Elvis on a toilet. Texas? A picture of the JFK motorcade, motto “Down, and to the left.” Nevada? A man surrounded by hookers. Utah? Same picture, just dress up the hookers a little more and call the man “Joseph Smith”. West Virginia? Robert Byrd riding a pig. Idaho? A can of Planter’s Mixed Nuts. Kansas? Tornado in a trailer park. I’m getting dangerously close to deciding that I need to do all fifty, so I’ll stop here.
Even better would be a state-wide lottery, with the winner getting to put whatever they wanted on the coin. “Welcome to Rhode Island, home of Connie Raynor and her cats, Mittens, Toby and Eartha.”
Update: This post is the most popular thing we’ve done in days. When I finally posetd it, it was with the thought “Piece of crap. Glad that’s over with. Now’s let’s go produce something worth reading, you hack bastard.” I try not to classify various posts as good writing or bad writing, because; A.) People who look at something they’ve written and think “Damn that’s genius” are the same people who keep the vanity press in business. Plus, they’re really boring at parties.. B.) When I do slip up and judge, it’s always wrong.
Anyway, here are some of the people linking;
Nick Danger, who wonders what the Massachusetts state quarter would be under that system. That’s easy. Either a man in a uniform vacuuming out a couch: motto “That’s our money, ma’am. Now where’s your purse?” or Michael Dukakis in a tank.
The Fat Guy, who doesn’t care for the Texas quarter design. An he’s right, it’s hideous. I almost used it instead of SC as my example. ”
“The Lone Star state put a Lone Star on its quarter! How shocking! Someone get the defribbril…defibbrila…Someone put the paddles on Grampa!, that quarter done knocked him daid!”
And War Nowwho takes the idea international
AUSTRALIA - The Crocodile Hunter buggering a crocodile
NEW ZEALAND - Rusell Crowe buggering a sheep
INDONESIA - A pile of bodies, with a KOPASSUS officer trying to block your view
SINGAPORE - A man with hair that touches his collar being dragged away by police
MALAYSIA - Dr M crying that he won’t stand again. That doesn’t actually represent the country, it’s just such an appealing image…
FIJI - An Indian family fleeing their burning home while a crowd of Fijians cheers
SYRIA - Mushroom cloud
IRAQ - Mushroom cloud
SAUDI ARABIA - Mushroom cloud
He’s wrong about Australia, though. It would depict The Crocodile Hunter holding a Fosters: motto “Australian for Beer”. The fact that this would enrage the Australians, “Fosters is Australian for Shite, mate!”, is gravy.
