Iraq Said to Plan Tangling the U.S. in Street Fighting
President Saddam Hussein of Iraq will try to compensate for his armed forces’ glaring weaknesses by raising the specter of urban warfare if the Bush administration moves to attack the Iraqi government, according to Pentagon officials and former United States government experts.
Shortly after this announcement, the Iraqi President called a rare press conference to discuss his defensive tactics. The Iraqi leader, wearing dark sunglasses and a blue jumpsuit trimmed in gold lame, had this to say.
“Thankaverramuch, ladies & gentlemen. Me and ma boys,” waving to a confused and fearful looking group of men carrying various instruments, “Have somethin’ to say to Shrub. I think you’ll like it.”
Everywhere I hear the sound of marching feet, George
Cause autumn’s here and the time is right for dying in the streets, George
?Cause what else can I do
To disrupt the US plans?
In my dusty Baghdad town
Everyone will be a street fighting man!
Whoa!
Hey! Think the time is right for Iraqi revolution?
But where I live the game to play is Yankee persecution.
?Cause what else can I do
To disrupt the US plans?
In my dusty Baghdad town
Everyone will be a street fighting man!
Whoa!
Whoa!
Whoa!
Hey! Said my name is called disturbance
I’ll shout and scream, I’ll be the king, I’ll kill all of your soldiers
?Cause what else can I do
To disrupt the US plans?
In my dusty Baghdad town
Everyone will be a street fighting man!
Whoa!
Whoa!
Whoa!
The Iraqi leader left the stage immediately after the performance, pausing only to plant a long, soulful kiss on Helen Thomas, who had thrown at least three pairs of Depends undergarments onto the stage during the chorus, pulling off each one in time to the music, according to a newly blind Reuters correspondent.
“He’s so dreamy!” cooed Ms.Thomas, 412. “I’m so glad he’s not with that bitch Georgie Anne anymore.”
President Bush is said to be considering an official response, perhaps something to the tune of the Katrina and the Waves hit “Walking on Sunshine”, though he has been urged by advisor Richard Perle to at least look at Perle’s “Imagine There’s No Baghdad”, set to a John Lennon tune the President had never heard of.
Senate Majority Leader condemned both choices and urged the President to pick something from the Leslie Gore canon.
“How is Leslie?” asked Mr Bush, upon being informed of Senator Harkin’s remarks. “I don’t think I’ve seen him since Florida.”
