“Of my friend, I can only say this: Of all the souls I have encountered in my travels, his was the most…hobbit-like.”
Weirdest link ever thanks to Friend of Hraka dcthornton
Archive for August 20th, 2002
I wish I had heard of this when I was a kid.
As the thundering herd of children neared the snake, it raised its head to look at us. “Stop! Stop!” shouted the Oldest Cousin. “Stop! I’ll start ‘im!”.
I had no idea what “I’ll start ‘im” meant, but I was sure I could do whatever my Oldest Cousin could do. Oh yes, I was hot to ’start ‘im’ too, but first I had to find out what that meant, so I stopped and watched.
The Oldest Cousin ran past the snake, turning sharply as he drew almost even with the snake. The snake’s head turned in swift recognition and the snake was off! It was chasing him!
All we ever did as kids was pick snakes up, (if they were identified), chase them (if they were fleeing), kill them (if they weren’t identified), or dive into the pond on top of one (once, when I was showing off. I’ll blog it one day)
McKinney and other Georgia election results are coming in here.
Update: Here’s another results page.
Link courtesy of the Daily Pundit
Mrs Non-Smoker: Oohh hello, Mrs Smoker.
Mrs Smoker: Hello Mrs Non-Smoker.
Mrs Non-Smoker: What, you been shopping then?
Mrs Smoker: Nope … I’ve been shopping!
Mrs Non-Smoker: What d’you buy?
Mrs Smoker: A piston engine!
Mrs Non-Smoker: What d’you buy that for?
Mrs Smoker: It was a bargain!
Mrs Non-Smoker: How much d’you want for it?
Mrs Smoker: Three quid!
Mrs Non-Smoker: Done. (she hands over the money)
Mrs Smoker: Right. Thank you.
Mrs Non-Smoker: How d’you cook it?
Mrs Smoker: You don’t cook it.
Mrs Non-Smoker: You can’t eat that raw!
Mrs Smoker: Ooooh … never thought of that. Oh, day and night, but this is wondrous strange …
Mrs Non-Smoker: … and therefore is a stranger welcome it. There are more things in Heaven and Earth Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy. But come, the time is out of joint. Oh cursed spite, that ever I was born to set it right. Let’s go together.
Qaddafi drag queen idea courtesy Trojan Horseshoes
There’s nothing better on a fall Satuday than watching the sainted wife and mother bouncing up and down on the couch screaming “Go Cocks!”
Larry Miller in Israel
Downstairs, before we left, the head of the hospital, an Israeli named Audrey, was showing me the children’s waiting room. I couldn’t help but notice, all around, an Arab woman with her son, an Arab family over there checking in, Arab children playing with the toys while waiting. The doctor saw the look on my face and laughed. “Oh, yes, we treat everyone.” I guess I was astonished. She just shrugged. “We’re Jews. This is how we live. It’s also for the future. They’re not going anywhere, and we’re not going anywhere. There will eventually be peace. There has to be.” When? A month? A year? A hundred years? More? She didn’t know. I had to say it. You’re incredible. You take everyone, you treat everyone, no one goes first, no one goes last, you just go in order of who needs help. That’s, like, Mother Teresa stuff. “We’re not saints, we’re just doing our jobs. It’s not easy, I admit. And it gets hard when they cheer when the bodies are brought in.”
Link via Friend of Hraka Chris Ruzin
The Tragic Descent of a Once Promising Life.
Actor
Porn Star
Used Car Salesman
Survivor Contestant
Intentionally thick
To: Bigwig
Subject: PLEASE DON’T LET ME FORGET
Saturday car inspection, take car to Merit Tech Friday Night-
Saturday Aug 31st, 9:30 Grey to vet
Sainted Wife
To: Sainted Wife
Subject: RE: PLEASE DON’T LET ME FORGET
OKAY!
Bigwig
Sainted Wife: I knew you would make some kind of comment on the all caps
Bigwig: And did that knowledge warm the cockles of your heart, because it meant that we were so close that you knew my very thoughts without me having to say a word?
Sainted Wife: Yeah yeah yeah- Lori Smith from Trading Spaces had her baby, a boy named Gibson, how very “The Sure Thing”
Bigwig: How do you mean?
Sainted Wife: Gibson was John Cusak’s characters’ name- that is how I mean
Bigwig: So the whole ?Lori Smith? thing was a false ruse to throw me off the track?
Sainted Wife: No, Laurie Smith is a decorator on Trading Spaces and she really had a baby named Gibson
Bigwig: She married John Cusack?
Sainted Wife: No, she named her son Gibson, LOL and crying of laughter.
Bigwig: So she?s a big John Cusack fan?
Sainted Wife: Now you’re just being stupid. I inserted the pop culture movie reference b/c it was the only Gibson I ever heard of before.
Bigwig: So, you don’t consider yourself a Gibson girl, eh?
Sainted Wife: No! Drop it already!
Bigwig: http://silflayhraka.blogspot.com/2002_08_18_silflayhraka_archive.html#85363922
Sainted Wife: I just knew this was what you were doing.
Bigwig: And did that knowledge warm the cockles of your heart, because it meant that we were so close that you knew my very thoughts without me having to say a word?
This can only end with me in trouble, probably the same kind of trouble Michelle’s dad presumably ended up in.
“You’re always defending them, no matter what they do!”
“I am NOT!”
“You’re a whore! You’re a Yankee whore!”
“Did you just call me a whore?”
“Yes! You might as well be giving blow jobs to Roger Clemens!”
Silence. Everyone stares at my father. We stifle giggles while my mother looks absolutely enraged.
“You have the nerve to say that in front of our children?”
Dad looks sheepishly at my mom.
“I’m sorry.”
“Ok”
“I meant to say Derek Jeter.”
Blueberries May Help Old Folks Keep Their Smarts
A cup of blueberries a day may keep “senior moments” away, new findings suggest.
In a related study scientists have found a cup of Booberries a day will help you remember your past lives, after they were tipped off by a study of Shirley MacLaine’s eating habits. Nutritionists with the FDA reported earlier this week that due to Ms. McLaines extraordinary consumption of the General Mills cereal, she had not needed to purchase any water colorants since the Tidy-Bowl man was lost at sea in 1984.
A team of Massachusetts and Florida researchers has shown that the cereal reduces death-related damage in rat brains, and can also prevent mental decline in poltergeists genetically engineered to forget their previous life..
The findings, along with early results from a human study, suggest a healthy diet can go a long way toward preventing the mental decline that often accompanies the post-living condition, Dr. James A. Joseph of the Center on Para-Normal Studies at Tufts University in Boston and USDA Human Destruction Research told Reuters Health.
Joseph presented his findings here Monday at the American Necrochemical Society’s annual meeting.
Soul-damaging products of paranormal metabolism known as free radicals can injure ectoplasm, an effect known as oxidative damage. Antioxidants — found in several cereals, including Booberries — help prevent this damage, which has been implicated in a number of conditions including bansheeism, and Slyme disease.
A Nigerian Love Song
Embarrassingly enough, until I was in my mid 20’s I thought Stevie Wonder sang a song called “Ma Sherriamore.” Mistakes of that nature happen to lots of other people, so I’m not too horribly ashamed, especially when you compare it to the version they sing in Nigeria.
My Sharia Court
Tune by Stevie Wonder
Lyrics by Aliyu Abdullahi
Gonna be coup d?etats
Must install the mullahs
My Sharia court, gonna stone a girl today.
My Sharia court, cause she led a man astray.
My Sharia court, killing all the ones that I abhor.
Taking the lead in our holy war.
How I wish that you were mine.
In a cafe or sometimes on a crowded street.
I’ve been near you, but you never notice me.
My Sharia court, told me you?re the one I?m aiming for.
Told them you were dressing like a whore.
How I wish that you were mine.
Maybe someday you’ll see my face among the crowd.
While we?re burning you up, in your funeral shroud.
My Sharia court, killing all the ones that I abhor.
Taking the lead in our holy war.
How I wish that you were mine.
Must install the mullahs.
Like we live in Sana’a.