Silflay Hraka

Letters, We get letters!

David Brin will tell you that there’s no privacy anymore, that if someone wants to know something about you, they can find it out. They can do that because we leak information out into the world every day, data that streams out behind us as we move through the world like the streamer on a kite. Everybody has a data tail. If you leave your cell phone on, the police can track you. If the police can do it, it’s only a matter of time before someone else decides to. Who do you know that would be interested in a map of your daily movements? I would buy one of mine just to see what it looks like, but there will be a lot of people who would buy one for less benign reasons. Everytime you interact with an electronic system another piece of data goes flying off downwind, adding to the tail. All you need to lose part of your privacy is for someone to become interested in your data-tail. And now, jaryan AT uwo.ca, you’ve attracted my attention.

From: jaryan AT uwo.ca
To: bigwig AT nc.rr.com
Sent: Saturday, August 17, 2002 10:51 PM
Subject: newspaper?

Hi, Bigwig,
So, which newspaper can I trust to give me plenty of news without the shameless commie pomo twist? Washington Times? Please advise this naive ex-moron.
Jim

Hi Dr. Ryan,

Surely they have papers in Western Ontario. Have you tried the London Free Press? I don’t normally read the Washington Times, as I don’t feel like aiding and abetting the Moonies. Most of my news comes from the NYT, the Raleigh News & Observer, NPR, and the Internet. The more sources I have, the better feel for a story I eventually get. I can usually count on bloggers to provide or find the rightist or libertarian slant on the news, so I don’t have anything I’d consider a regular source there, other the the Friends and Acquaintances of Hraka (among them Right Wing News and Armed Liberal, both of who have linked here with words of praise, so perhaps you shouldn’t be so quick in your evident assumption of what my politics are). That is what bloggers do best, after all.

I am forced to guess that you’re bitching about my take on the NYT story on bloggers and pamphleteers, since you didn’t waste much space on establishing context. I hardly think it an extreme opinion that the NYT slants left, just as I don’t think it’s an extreme opinion that Fox News slants right. Fox just happens to be more upfront about it. Whether I agree with their politics or not, that’s just a more honest thing to do. As it stands, I feel I have enough experience with the media to discern bias, especially when I have more than one source for a story. I would hope that a Doctor in the Department of Philosophy at Huron University would have developed some as well, in this day and age.

Out of curiousity, how does one attain the status of being both naive and an ex-moron? Surely naivete would prevent one from escaping moronism?

All the best,

Bigwig

Update: Should anyone like to buy a painting from Dr. Ryan, you may do so at his online store, Nature Art Online. The one of the Barn Owl is particularly nice.

Update:Dr. Ryans returns!

Hi, Bigwig,
Thanks for the note. Yes, I saw your out-of-context comment on, I think, Cold Fury. No, really, I’m not bitching or jerking you around with a sarcastic letter. I’ve been scandalized by liberal bias in NYT when it’s shown to me (by A. Sullivan or NRO, for example). I sincerely wanted to find out whether there was a paper that presented as close to just the facts ma’am (and plenty of ‘em, so a quality paper, unlike the London Free Press) until you get to the editorial page. I like the NYT because there’s so much news in it. But it’s hard for even this PhD to pick out front-page editorializing without reading five papers a day, especially a PhD suffering from lingering naivete. Come to think of it, as a young’un I was always good at humanities and science but in social sciences, well, I “just didn’t get it”.

Naivete and ex-moronism: naivete fades slowly, blindspots here and there ebbing away. But ex-moronitude can happen fairly abruptly, when something inside your brain breaks through the crust of numbskullness left by your 22-year-old self. I’m 37 and it’s my picture in the dictionary under “If you weren’t a liberal when you were 20, you don’t have a heart. If you weren’t a conservative by the time you’re 35, you don’t have a brain.” That is, I turned out to have a brain. By the way, why is it that no one bothers to correct you when you’re 22 and a moron? Or was I just not listening?

So, I guess you’re saying there’s nothing for it but to read several papers a day? I’ll look forwad to checking your blogs. The first time I heard of you was yesterday when I read that quote. Anyway, if you think of anything else smart to say to this puppy, please say it. Say, I’ll be moving back your way next Spring, back to Charlottesville, VA. The Daily Progress. Now there’s a paper!

Best,
Jim

It’s always nice to read a balanced discussion of America’s foreign policy. Unbalanced ones are funnier, though.

Us Air Force Academy Officers Suspended For Performing Monty Python Sketch

HUMPHREY: I do wish you’d listen, Wymer. It’s perfectly simple. If you’re not getting your hair cut, you don’t have to move your brother’s clothes down to the lower peg. You simply collect his note before lunch, after you’ve done your scripture prep, when you’ve written your letter home, before rest, move your own clothes onto the lower peg, greet the visitors, and report to Mr. Viney that you’ve had your chit signed. Now, sex. Sex, sex, sex. Where were we? [sniff] Well, had I got as far as the penis entering the vagina? [sniff]
PUPILS: Umm. Mmmm.
[silence]
BIGGS: Nnnno, sir.
WATSON: No, sir.
BIGGS: No, sir.
WATSON: No.
PUPILS: No…
WATSON: No.
HUMPHREY: Well, had I done foreplay?
[silence]
PUPILS: Mmmm. Yeah. Yeah…
WATSON: Yes.
BIGGS: Yes, sir.
WATSON: Yes, sir.
HUMPHREY: Ahh, well, as we all know all about foreplay, no doubt you can tell me what the purpose of foreplay is,… Biggs.
BIGGS: Uhm– Don’t know. Sorry, sir.
HUMPHREY: Carter.
CARTER: Ah. Uhh, was it taking your clothes off, sir?
HUMPHREY: Well, and– and after that?
WYMER: Ooh. Putting them on the lower peg, sir?
PUPILS: [chuckling]
[whop]
HUMPHREY: The purpose of foreplay is to cause the vagina to lubricate, so that the penis can penetrate more easily.
WATSON: Could we have a window open, please, sir?
HUMPHREY: Yes. Harris, will you? And, of course, to cause the man’s penis to erect and har… den! [sniff] Now, did I do vaginal juices last week? Oh, do pay attention, Wadsworth! I know it’s Friday after– Oh, watching the football, are you boy? Right! Move over there. I’m warning you! I may decide to set an exam this term.
WATSON: Oh, sir.
BIGGS: Oh, sir.
PUPILS: Oh, sir…
HUMPHREY: So, just listen. Now, did I or did I not… do… vaginal…juices?
PUPILS: Mmm. Mmm. Yes, sir. Yes, sir.
HUMPHREY: Name two ways of getting them flowing, Watson.
WATSON: R– rubbing the clitoris, sir?
HUMPHREY: What’s wrong with a kiss, boy? Hmm? Why not start her off with a nice kiss? You don’t have to go leaping straight for the clitoris like a bull at a gate. Give her a kiss, boy.
WYMER: Suck the nipple, sir?
HUMPHREY: Good! Good. Well done, Wymer.
DUCKWORTH: Uh, stroking the thighs, sir.
HUMPHREY: Yes. Yes, I suppose so. Hmm?
PUPIL IN FRONT: Oh, sir. Biting the neck.
HUMPHREY: Yes. Good. Nibbling the earlobe, uhh, kneading the buttocks, and so on and so forth. So, we have all these possibilities before we stampede towards the clitoris, Watson.
WATSON: Yes, sir. Sorry, sir.
HUMPHREY: Now, all these forms of stimulation can now take place,…
[clunk clunk]
[clunk]
[clunk clunk]
[clunk clunk]
[twong]
…and, of course, tongueing will give you the best idea of how the juices are coming along. Helen! Now, penetration and coitus– That is to say, intercourse up to, and including, orgasm. Ah, hello, dear. Do stand up when my wife enters the room, Carter!
CARTER: Oh, sorry, sir. Sorry.
HELEN WILLIAMS: Humphrey, I hope you don’t mind, but I told the Garfields we would dine with them tonight.
HUMPHREY: Yes. Yes, well, I suppose we must.
HELEN: And I said we’d be there by eight.
HUMPHREY: Well, at least it’ll give me a reason to wind up the staff meeting.
HELEN: Well, I know you don’t like them, but I couldn’t make another excuse.
HUMPHREY: Well, it’s just that I felt n– Wymer! This is for your benefit. Would you kindly wake up? I’ve no intention of going through this all again.
WYMER: Ahhh.
HUMPHREY: Uhh, we’ll take the foreplay as read, if you don’t mind, dear.
HELEN: No, of course not, Humphrey.
HUMPHREY: So, the man starts by entering– or mounting– his good lady wife in the standard way. Uh, the penis is now, as you will observe, more or less, fully erect. There we are. Ah, that’s better. Now,– Carter.
CARTER: Yes, sir?
HUMPHREY: What is it?
CARTER: It’s an ocarina, sir.
HUMPHREY: Bring it up here. The man now starts making thrusting movements with his pelvic area, moving the penis up and down inside the vagina, so–Put it there, boy. Put it there on the table.
[clunk]
While the wife maximizes her clitoral stimulation by the shaft of the penis by pushing forward,– Thank you, dear. Now, as sexual…
BIGGS: [chuckling]
HUMPHREY: …excitement mounts, uh,– What’s funny, Biggs?
BIGGS: Uh,– Oh, nothing, sir.
HUMPHREY: Oh, do please share your little joke with the rest of us. I mean, obviously something frightfully funny’s going on.
PUPIL: [chuckle]
BIGGS: No. Honestly, sir.
HUMPHREY: Well, as it’s so funny, I think you’d better be selected to play for the boys’ team in the rugby match against the masters this afternoon!
[morbid music]
BIGGS: Oh, no, sir.

Get your Monty Python Scripts here.

Your Goverment in Action

Who in Georgia got the most money in farm subsidies in the period 1999 -2001? John Mobley
Which politician did John Mobley give the most money to? Max Cleland
How did Max Cleland vote on the 2002 corporate giveaway farm bill? He voted for it.
Where does Max Cleland stand on most issues? You can see here.

Max was just the first name I ran across. See who else you can find.

The World Turned Upside Down

Frank Rich of the New York Times thinks that Saudi Arabia is our real enemy, not Iraq.

While Saddam is an authentic genocidal monster, there are more plausible links between Al Qaeda and our dear friend Saudi Arabia than between Al Qaeda and Saddam; it could be argued that toppling him would strengthen Al Qaeda. But what the administration is mainly hoping is that a march on Baghdad will make us forget about Al Qaeda, wherever it may be lying in wait. It’s not good P.R. for our war on terrorism that Islamic terrorists have been linked to eight attacks abroad since Daniel Pearl’s murder in January, including the assassination of the Afghan vice president in Kabul and the slaughter of an American diplomat, among others, at a church in Islamabad.

I think you could argue that “only eight attacks” since January is excellent P.R. for the War on Terrorism, but that’s not really what struck me about the piece. If Frank Rich is making noises about Saudi Arabia being more of a threat, then you can bet that others on the left have thought about that too. It’s an excellent argument to use against a President who is still receiving high, though possibly soft, support from the American public in the War on Terrorism. No matter what happens in Iraq, one can always claim that Bush didn’t go after the “real enemy”. If bad things happen in the Middle East…Excuse me, WHEN bad things happen in the Middle East after the war on Iraq, the argument can be put in front of the public again. He’s also vulnerable to an argument suggesting that his administration is increasing the size of the government and depriving Americans of their civil liberties for no good reason, to no good effect, and that his support of protectionist policies and farm welfare is hurting the economy.

The last three arguments would seem to be a better fit for a Republican primary challenger (Paging a Mr. McCain, Mr. John McCain) than to a Democrat, but as long as it’s not Al Gore making them, they might do some damage.

So on August 30, some millionaires are going to go on strike because of a dispute that they’re having with some other millionaires. I don’t care. Major league baseball lost me years ago. We watch the Durham Bulls three or four times a year. They’re close, it’s a nice stadium and the prices are pretty cheap. That’s enough baseball for me. The owners and the players leave me cold. A curse on both their houses, and a curse on their fans, as well. Major league baseball fans are the sports equivalent of the mousy girl home alone on a Saturday night. Baseball shows up at her door at two in the morning, drunk and expecting to get laid after having ignored her for a week. They crawl into bed, Baseball gives her about 30 seconds of grinding then passes out on top of her. In the morning Mr. Baseball is nowhere to be found, there’s puke all over the bathroom and a note on the bedside table saying “See you in a week, baby.”

Whatever is happening to baseball is not the owner’s fault, and not the player’s fault. It’s the fan’s fault, for putting up with their crap. So screw you guys. You’re enabling everything you’re bitching about. If you want to make baseball change, quit spreading your legs every time baseball comes knocking on your door. Baseball just told you that starting August 30th, you’re nobody to them. They’ve got other business at that point , and they don’t want to be bored to tears again having to listen to you talk about your “needs.” But until then, you’ll be okay with giving them some each night, ok?

Well, cut them off. Stop going to games, stop watching games, stop watching Baseball Tonight on ESPN. You’ve got 12 days to make your displeasure known. If these bastards play in front of empty stadiums they’ll get the message. When television stations see the already anemic ratings plumment even more, the’ll bend the ear of the owners. If you’re tired of baseball giving you the shaft, quit paying them to screw you. Don’t talk about doing it after the strike, they don’t care then. Do it now.

Update: How I would fix baseball. Pay every player a million dollars. No more. No less. Guarantee the owners a certain profit, then take all the other money and plow it back into the system to lower ticket and concession prices, pay minor-leaguers more, and fund Little League. Yes, it’s not capitalistic, but baseball isn’t capitalistic. Congress passed legislation saying so. If it’s America’s game, then America needs to take it away from the greedy assholes ruining it.

Come and listen to a story about a man named Ed

A bad cat burglar, his loot was made of lead.

Thought jumping in the river was a move that would be shrewd,

In a matter of a minute he became some fishes food

Miracle Elvis bust “weeps”

A plaster bust of Elvis Presley has wept “miracle” tears on the 25th anniversary of his death, its Dutch owner says.

The weeping ceases only when a Grilled Peanut Butter and Banana Sandwich with a side of quaaludes is place in front of the bust, at which point it starts grunting and straining until it topples over. Shows at 2:00, 3:00, 4:00, 5:00, 6:00 and 10:30 daily. Patrons in the company of jailbait admitted free of charge.

Couple arrested for sex in cathedral

A Virginia couple have been arraigned after they were arrested for allegedly having sex in a vestibule of St Patrick’s Cathedral while parishioners worshiped nearby. Loretta Lynn Harper, 35, of Alexandria, and her boyfriend, Brian Florence, 37, of Quantico, were charged with obscenity in the third degree and public lewdness.

S 235.05 Obscenity in the third degree.
A person is guilty of obscenity in the third degree when, knowing its
content and character, he:
1. Promotes, or possesses with intent to promote, any obscene material;
or
2. Produces, presents or directs an obscene performance or participates
in a portion thereof which is obscene or which contributes to its
obscenity.

New York penal law 245.00, Public Lewdness:
| Exposure of private or intimate parts in a lewd manner.
| Sentence: 3 mo, $500
Obscenity in the third degree is a class A misdemeanor.

They’re in big trouble, as neither one is a priest.