Silflay Hraka

G: Man, there ain’t nothing like a cold bug at the end of the day. My man seems to have forgotten that
R: True. True. I think he’s tired.
Zod: Tired my ass. He’s blown out a hemisphere if you ask me. I might as well be a goddamn mime.
R: Mime? You’d be the worst damn mime ever. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you shut up.
Zod: I’m supposed to talk all the time, I’m the…the dammit…I’m the contrapuntal theme.
G: You got a dirty mouth, Zod.
Zod: How can you be so damn dumb and still have a head?
G: You’re mighty high-talking for a man who got drowned out by Spencer’s Mountain.
R: Oh! Oh! Oh! Spencer’s Mountain? What the fuck, Zod?
Zod: I told, he’s not listening. When the man doesn’t hear me talking during Spencer’s Mountain…well..something’s up.
R: What’s he doing in front the television anyway? Man’s got a duty to his audience.
G: Man’s audience is smaller than Zod’s weiner.
Zod: That is so old. I could crush your skull with it.
G: You go ahead and try. I’ll cut you, bitch. You be Jewish in ten seconds flat. Be calling me Rebbe G.
R: Shalom, Rebbe.
G: Shalom, motherfucker.
Zod: Look, we’ve been down here in the id for what, two months now? The floor is sticky, the air smells like crap. Don’t you wonder why that is?
R: He’s tired.
Zod: What if he’s not tired? What if he’s done?
G: What do you mean, done?
Zod: He’s finished!. He said all he he had to say, he hit the bottom of the barrel and he’s done. AND WE’RE STUCK DOWN HERE!
R: Mighty shallow barrel, if you ask me. Looked bigger on the outside.
G: Have some damn faith, Zod. Man just got Warcraft 3. Jesus could be sitting on his shoulder pissing down his arm and he wouldn’t notice.
R: True. True.

You’ll be casting stones at the devil in style with your Deluxe Hajj and Umrah Travel Pack.

The summer news meme for last year? Shark Attacks. This year? Kid snatchings. Just to give you a head’s up, here is next year’s

When Cadirus Attack
When candirus parasitize humans, it is usually only when they are skinny-dipping while urinating in the water. The candiru tastes the urine stream and follows it back to the human. It then swims up the anus and lodges itself somewhere in the urinary tract with its spines. Blood is drawn, and the candiru gorges itself on both the blood and body tissue, its body sometimes expanding due to the amount of blood. This is all said to be very painful for the poor person who has this happen to him or her. Unfortunately, they are almost impossible to remove due to the spines. Amputation of the private areas is the cheapest, and most life-changing, way to remove the fish. Actual surgery is extremely expensive and involves inserting the Xagua plant and the Buitach apple up the urethra. These two plants kill and even dissolve the parasitic fish. If surgery is not done in time, the blockage of the urinary tract will prove fatal. The candiru is the only known vertebrate to parasitize humans.

The explosion of news stories about the cadiru, especially after it is discovered living wild in the bayous of Louisiana will lead to the introduction of the first fish-based security systems in America.

Update:Falling coconuts kill more people than sharks

“Falling coconuts kill 150 people worldwide each year, 15 times the number of fatalities attributable to sharks,” said George Burgess, Director of the University of Florida’s International Shark Attack File and a noted shark researcher.

Coconuts dropped by the African Swallow, no doubt.

Update:Killer Peas

Is it just me, or is “Super Chubby” a really unfortunate name for a children’s book publisher?

Silence fell over the throng as one man strode alone up the hill. “Dead man flying!” He called out. “Dead man flying!”